So I came home for the summer on June 11th and for the first month or so, i.e. until now, I have been pretty depressed. I didn't do so hot during last quarter and screwed myself royally. So royally that I am now on academic probation...

My two best friends in the entire world unfortunately did NOT help very much. They basically took me on a walk together and together, as in two against one, they read me the riot act, saying that I would be better off going to community college down in San Diego, since apparently the situation at Western was not conducive for my doing well. So essentially, in my opinion, they pulled a Queen Amidala-voting-no-confidence-in-Chancellor-Valorum-shtick on me. Thus, my rather deeper than normal depression. The only reason I'm saying this here and not on Facebook is that I don't want them to feel like I'm disregarding their opinions. Everyone is allowed their own opinion. And as I vehemently told Bestie Number One, I want to go back and make things right again. I'm already emotionally invested in Western. But I'm trying to be a good friend and seriously consider what they said. They do have highly valid points.

So the thing that is always on my mind and actually causing me to lose sleep (which never happens!), what do I do this fall? Do I return to Western and try to get my GPA above a 2.0 in one quarter? Or do I stay home, take a year off, and work? Or do I stay home and take community college classes and work part-time somewhere? I don't know, I really don't know.

I really really really REALLY want to go back to Western. That is my preferred choice. I have a lot of friends there, I like the school, I would like to try to excel there! I have a job with the Pep Band, my little brother is going there this fall...A lot of reasons.

I can see how staying in SD would be attractive. My two best friends are here (they both tend to be selfish when it comes to me...), apparently the study atmosphere is 'better', the classes are only $20 a pop...Some very valid reasons.

I'm terrified that I'm going to make the wrong choice. I'm terrified of not being good enough. I'm terrified of letting people down. In short, I'm absolutely terrified.